THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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