Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
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We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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