i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
