Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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