I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
