I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
