Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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