dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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