I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
