I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
