Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
