Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
