I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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