my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
