drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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