my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
