Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
