remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
