It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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