she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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