yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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