Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We had to coat check the pizza.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have fence marks all over my body
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
