she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
