Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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