I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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