I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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