matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
