and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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