If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
