i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
