Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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