I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
