glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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