I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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