Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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