I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
