So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
