what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
