then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
