It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
