is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
