chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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