Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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