This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize