i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
