Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
