he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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