I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
