Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He better not be in your backpack
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
