I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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