I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
