Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
