i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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