This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
