hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I intend to get homeless drunk
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
