so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
