in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
