Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
