Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
