If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
