You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
