I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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