They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
